i wonder if she had the same thought, "when did he grow up?!"
sometimes the hardest thing is to do nothing, especially when it seems like noone else is doing anything. so, i think that sums it up here. not that prayer is nothing, there is nothing i can do but pray. so i pull out her shawl, and i knit and pray the stitches. some times i pray that when i am done it wont look like a fried egg, but mostly for Tirzah to be well, for G-d to fulfill His purpose for he life, for her to get to see Africa, thankful prayers for being allowed to be her mother, her gift of delight to us (tirzah means delightful and friendly) she is so brave and unquestioning. she lay in that hospital bed and said "It's ok mom, G-d has a plan for me" -so grown up. last nights moment of anguish and fear remind me she is just a little girl.
i used to deliver papers for the boston globe. i hated sundays, you could only carry 5 papers at most at one time. one cold autumn day i say a cat catching a field mouse. i took a paper and beat the cat.
then i twisted the paper into a cone and scooped the mouse up. i cried all the way home, woke my daddy from a sound sleep and begged him to fix the mouse.
last week i looked at sam and told him to fix my daughter.
there is only One who can fix her. i want to scoop her up and present her to my Father, "Fix her, Make her better."
i am prone to momentary tantrums, i blogged one this spring cuz tirzah is determined to go to africa and work with Aids children/orphans. a continent of unrest. where muslims kills muslims. what will they do to a jewish girl who loves Jesus more than breath? seeing the muslim darfur refugges in israel, brings my heart so much Hope.
there aren't conditions to letting go. as much as she is mine, she doesn't belong to me.
She is His. She always has been. So Abba, please fix her. Heal our Tirzah girl. Dont let her be sick anymore. hurt any more.
(btw-the mouse was fine, stunned by being caught, mouthed, beaten out of the mouth and scooped up, but fine. i named him ear force one cuz dad was working the security for the presidential plane's landing that week)